The True Key to Happiness: Relationships Over Wealth
Anmc21 – My grandmother once shared a story with me that has stayed with me throughout my life. During a routine doctor’s appointment, her doctor moved her large purse and commented on how heavy it was. “You must be very rich,” he remarked. Without hesitation, she responded, “I am.”
Despite living simply in the same two-bedroom rowhouse where she’d raised her family after my grandfather returned from World War II, my grandmother felt wealthy. She didn’t indulge in lavish vacations or fine dining, and she didn’t have a career that followed her passions—though she would have been an incredible teacher, and he, a talented artist. Yet, she considered herself rich because she was surrounded by the love of her husband, children, and grandchildren.
Her sentiment was later backed by Harvard researchers, confirming that meaningful relationships are key to living a happy life.
In 2003, Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist at Harvard, took over the Grant Study, one of the longest-running studies of human development, which has followed the lives of a group of men since 1938. These men, including famous figures like President John F. Kennedy and Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee, have been studied extensively for over 75 years, with both their physical and emotional well-being periodically assessed.
Waldinger, who has dedicated his career to studying relationships, found that the happiest and healthiest participants were those who had close, intimate relationships. He expanded the study by inviting the wives of the participants to better understand the role that marriage plays in overall well-being. His findings were simple but profound: those in satisfying relationships were happier, healthier, and lived longer lives.
“People who are more isolated than they want to be are less happy, their health declines earlier, and they live shorter lives than those who are not lonely,” Waldinger explained in his TedTalk. “Good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the challenges of getting old.”
Waldinger stresses that the common notion of wealth, fame, or career success leading to happiness is misleading. It’s the effort put into maintaining human connections that truly determines well-being. Quality relationships—those that are stable, consistent, and intimate—are the ones that matter. Casual acquaintances or toxic relationships, such as those in abusive marriages, won’t provide the same benefit.
Interestingly, many of the men studied in the Grant Study initially believed that career achievements would lead to a fulfilling life. However, Waldinger’s research underscores the importance of working just as hard on relationships. In fact, for personal happiness, relationships are even more critical than career success.
Since giving his TedTalk, Waldinger has received hundreds of emails from people sharing their personal reflections, ranging from affirmations like, “I always knew it was true” to concerns like, “What if I’m completely alone with no one in my life?” For those feeling isolated, Waldinger recommends finding ways to connect with others, such as volunteering to help the lonely, particularly the elderly.
His research has even influenced his own life. Waldinger, a busy academic under pressure to publish more research, found that his most rewarding work comes from teaching and mentoring students. He now makes a conscious effort to connect more with friends who are going through difficult times, recognizing how important these connections are for both him and his friends.
“What we’d really like is a quick fix, something we can get that’ll make our lives good and keep them that way,” Waldinger said. “But relationships are messy, complicated, and require ongoing effort. The work of tending to family and friends isn’t glamorous, but it’s lifelong.”
So, next time you’re considering skipping a lunch break with a colleague or putting off a call to a friend, remember: these small acts of connection are essential to your health and happiness. Taking the time to nurture relationships is one of the most important investments you can make in your well-being.
